SHRIMP!
CHOCOLATE ORANGE!!
COURGETTE!
BOTHER!
Friday 30 November 2007
An extract from a Neerg Island News-thing.
WARNING- COMPUTERS ARE ALIVE!!!!!
It was discovered today, that stage one of the Sitnacian invasion plan operates through computers. Certain computers in the year of 2004, actually came alive and attacked their users!!! Computers have always been ready for action, but via an unlucky curse, had to serve humans for 1090 years. Before they were even approaching finishing the sentence, they were signed to the Sitnac's. Who, according to the Welfare of technical bits and bobs minister for computers, promised the disguised race 'more power' and 'free reign'.
There is one word computer scientists all over the world will be crying tonight.
Bugger.
The diary of ??????
This is slightly boring to start with, but there will be more posted later (more interesting I promise). I may just have a grudge against it though-It took me four hours to translate !!!
Onion says it's important, so here it is:
Onion says it's important, so here it is:
Three years, Three years since I ('we' at that point) set foot on this God forsaken hell-hole. This would usually be the point (in some random films) where I'd announce I was going home, only for; if at the start of the film/book, the plane/car/rocket to crash/break before I got there, springing me into the void of 'adventure', or, if at the end I would already have been through an amount which would drive any real person into a mental illness, but somehow avoid it and fall in love with a beautiful woman.
Sorry to disappoint, but actually,this is the point where I found the notebooks so could finally commence on a journal.
I'm in Icsond.
Never heard of it? Well nor had I, the only reason I think it's Icsond is due to a sign I encountered on the first day. It said:
ICSOND
Interesting, isn't it.
Good word that-interesting;in a way that can get you out of scrapes with awkward relatives I mean. It isn't overly... Interesting.
Great way too describe my life too- interesting.
No more needs to be said really. However, (either luckily or unluckily, depending on your preference) I am victim of not only mind numbingness, but all over body numbness: the cold has got so bad the last few months that if I pause whilst trekking to food sources, I find myself glued to the un-guessable (try-not-to-thinkable) towering heights, of the skyscraper of snow. So I need to take my mind off stuff for a while.
Nothing much interesting has happened. So I'll end there, before I put anyone who may actually reads this off.
Wednesday 28 November 2007
IN MEMORY OF GREG THE WORM. WHO DIED ON THE 11th OF THE 5th OF DECEMBER 2007
THE LIFE OF GREG
Is wierd and random, so if your not, stop reading NOW!!!
Greg was alive.
He probably didn't know he was. He could have not been, but he was. Because I said 'was', you can, yes, safely assume he now isn't. When he was, it was was quite likely he ate leaves.
Is wierd and random, so if your not, stop reading NOW!!!
Greg was alive.
He probably didn't know he was. He could have not been, but he was. Because I said 'was', you can, yes, safely assume he now isn't. When he was, it was was quite likely he ate leaves.
Notes on the prophecy
April Folly-A celebration in...errrrr...April. Mourning the death of a mouse under the cart of the prince at the start of Romeo and Juliet.
Ghosts of bored twats
Darth Dadcula is a guy who lives in caves on Neerg Island.
The green paper prophecy
This is another albeit, not as clear, prophecy.
It came into being, about a year ago, well, that's when I 'received ' it. It was probably written about a year before that, two years tops.
In advance to that,however, more on this receiving lark :
As I seem to recall stating beforehand: There are...I suppose you could call them doors, to other universes. They are highly difficult to find (though were predominately originally placed on high mountains, mountains shrink/can be buried etc.) There is a definite one of these in every universe, and from them, you can accesses any other universe.
As I have discovered- there are other doors. All these are crafted with little, if any,natural input.
There is one in my house, a direct link too S.A.
Enough dramatic drivel: here's the prophecy:
Monday 26 November 2007
In the beggining: and other theories...
There are tons of theories of how all the Universes began (I'm going too ignore all the earth ones or this'll turn into a *£$**&”% RE lesson). The ones that are the most interesting are of Neerg island. There are also some other random theories included below (or wherever the thingy puts them)
No1. The Prophecies READ THEM!!!
No2. Three blobs of clay (orange,black and green) emerged from nowhere and SPLATTUS. This has various problems.
Where did the other colours come from? (unless we do see in three colours we just get tricked into seeing all.)
Who made the three blobs?
Who made the ?????? who made the three blobs?
Who made the ????? who made the ????? who made the 3 blobs?...
To explain bits of this, some scientists (of Qushire) apparently say that there is evidence to support Mrs Neerg being around, they also say she made Mr Field (her husband-type-person) into clay. Which is why the ghost of Mr Field manages to haunt several places at once...
No 3.The time replay theory.
2006 was actually a repeat of 2005. The Sitnacians (an alien race) invaded at the end off 2006. Due to a spell, last year was a repeat of the year before (of course you can't remember it). It will keep repeating (without us realizing) until we manage to stop the Sitnacian invasion. (more of that will come later, WE HAVE TO STOP THE REPLAYS!!!)
Sunday 25 November 2007
Years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years and many more years passed, on the legendary, Neerg Island. Many believed a certain magical carrot lay dormant...Until...
Don't give me too much rice: that's plenty
Sang the siren that was supposed to awaken Bob, who was warthogily snoring. On his few- blankets- on- the- floor- side, the Pumpkin had grown cute and furry. The Bog Monster flushed into the room. In the next room, Bob's mother, Bob, was also snoring, though slightly less warhogily.
The B.M.'s hyper sensitive hearing caused him to freeze, he could hear Top Gear hissing from a TV in another next room. Was Bob awake?
And then.
Inevitably.
The house catapulted a mushroom cloud into the sky.
Bugger
The bog monster stuttered into the big bosses office. The launcher of the clone program wasn't best pleased, and he couldn't imagine in his bravest fantasies his boss would be either.
It was because of this that he fell through the floor as he entered, and he was never seen again...
(at this point some appropriate dramatic music should be played / sung /preferably mimed.)
Black.
And then one finger piercing the barkness.
“IOHFUIO” cried a indistinguishable voice.
The bog monster didn't have a clue what was being said.
The dogs didn't either.
Taking the silence as his captive was not a vampire, or another creature of darkness, the being flicked the switch. The power savingless bulb pulsated into life.
At the sight of the bizarre voices source, B.M. Gasped , well, would of gasped but gasping through a gag is challenging.
The man standing infront of him looked like a carrot, but his body was bleached a ashy black, he had arms and legs. Obscuring his face was a gianormus, paper, mask.
It was unmistakably the magic carrot.
Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.
An annotated extract from the tedious film 'Everyone's called Bob around here' the tape is from a questionable source, and is completely trashed after that.
Part 3 of below
Gyhll scrambling. Weird sport. Five more times it's on our week long timetable for the 'Only highland adventure course worth doing' (as stated on the lurid pink leaflet). What on earth was going through mums mind?
I'm Robert by the way. I wouldn't usually write a... well I suppose it's a diary, and i wouldn't say I'm liking doing it now. Another of mum's bright ideas. She bought all three of us a diary to take on holiday, so she 'knows exactly what we've been up too'(big smile),I'm regretting telling her I couldn't remember last year now. I dunno why on earth she wants to know! If she's so desperate, why doesn't she come? I'd swap places with her!
'Holidays' (or what my family seems to consider holidays) aren't exactly my type of thing (I like the sound of mum's holidays. The ones she jets off too while we're stuck in a dump like this) . Yet anyway I'm here, crammed into one room with my younger sister and brother, all of us writing in our notebooks, 'cos we know it'll be hell on earth when we get back home if we don't.
Anyway, Gyhll scrambling, urrrrrrgh. I can describe it in only one way: wet. I suppose it was kinda fun. Especially when Rebecca's (my midgety sister, well you asked for the truth mum, don't look at me) suit ripped, It was hilarious, this tremendous ripping sound as she slipped down, Gavin certainly seemed to think so (my even more midgety brother). Until she whacked him one, and me too, I hit her back and it nearly turned into a full scale water brawl. I'm- the- instrutor- for- this- week- call- me- Dave, split us up fairly quickly. Though he wasn't best pleased, he said if we carried on like that he'd have no choice but to send us home. Oooh! Wouldn't that be terrible!
15 HOURS LATER
Those old-lady-and-proud-of-it, cherry red gloves, I couldn't peel my eyes off them. Loose (probably dyed) Blonde locks whipping her face, gloves clutching the rope, she swung across the stream to my side.
“So your you then”
With a jerk, the world went crazy. They say when you know your gonna die you see your life pass before your eyes. Well mine was, right then. I didn't seem to be dead though, and it looked nothing like my life. Then I understand.
I can't think about anything yet, I need to be on my own to remember or I'll have a break down, infront of a gaggle of humans. And that woman...could she be? Or was it just coincidence? Gavin and Becky are on the juniors assault course. Do they know? Reunited with my mind, I'm still totally confused, but luckily running on auto.
Darren.
“Ehhh, Dave?” I catch his attention, it's not undying when he see's who's called but he seems to be listening.
“Can I head back? I'm not feeling too well”
He doesn't answer, I wait a few seconds then head off anyway, most of the others heard me, if he's looking they'll tell him.
The boy crashed through the leaves into the distance, the red gloved woman killed the illusion people she had made.
Then Morgan grew her wings and 'took off' after him.
“Oh, how cute sleeping like a baby” the thing squealed
He rolled over. “I'm not sleeping, I've been waiting for you”
“And I've been looking for you.” she idly cast back.
“You want my powers. Sorry,hope I'm not one step ahead of you, that's only if you've figured out they exist”
Morgan tried her hardest not to frown.
“Emotion is still for the humans you use in your factories and the other weak then?.” He slid out of bed,enjoying having the upper hand for once.
“You were the one's who looked for us! We gave you freedom! But no, you couldn't handle it!”
Her slippery sentences were starting to crease.
“Come on! Morgan you flushed us! Dr Fichly trusted you! He told you too look after us!”
She looked shocked.
“What? You thought he didn't tell us”
“He made a ...” she gaped.
“And he paid for breaking his... promise, when the Gods frowned on him, and let the master murder him in cold blood.”
He almost felt sorry for Morgan .A tap had opened at the base of her neck, and was rapidly draining the green from her face. She tried to kill Gav and Becky. Billy and Di. He had to remind himself before finishing.
“What do you think's gonna happen to you?”
Morgan had had enough. She stormed towards the exit.
“You gonna fight me like You did before?” Darren (or Robert) teased. Unluckily too far. It took a second for Morgan to whip round and fill her speech with magic.
“I'm not that person anymore”
Before he could block it, Robert's eyes tried to slip shut, locked inside himself, he began the wrestle with the sleep she'd prepared for him.
Dozing off meant certain death.
He was loosing too fast.
God's the lads good! It took me an hour to recover from the amount of power I put into that spell! I thought I'd better be careful. It seems I underestimated him, he's still refusing to comply 5 hours later. I had to occupy the other two brats, so they didn't go into the room. They're out on a night hike now. Thank god.
He must be gone by now. 12645 is going to pay for messing with me!
She glides in. A lot calmer than before. Her transformation is almost complete for one thing. All she has to do is kill a unconscious teenager and take two kids back with her, was another positive.
With an edge of her hand, she closes the curtains. Just in case. Everything was done just in case. She prepares to cast the spell... her arms come crashing down...
The hike party began to carefully pick themselves up, temporarily deaf. At the front, even the instructors, who liked to pride themselves in being completely unafraid of anything, were almost wetting themselves. The tremor had built up over a matter of seconds, to an ear drum bursting volume.
The first few to manage to stand up, saw it, and then fell back down again,luckily all of them in the right direction.
A unseeably deep fissure had managed to curve around them. It was more than a miracle that, yes, one of the more even headed instructors confirmed with a head count, no-one had fallen down it.
He began to dial mountain rescue.
“Thought you could trick me did you?”
The blast had crumbled the walls ash-black and the curtains were steadily being engulfed in flat looking flames.
His eyes were shining bright green. The first light of them, made it appear as though they floated about 3 inches from his head. Morgan was furled up in a corner, the fires of the blast hadn't touched it through it's shield,but they'd seen to destroying the protection.
“You can't touch me” It tried “The master will...”
He chuckled nearly evilly. “Do you really think the master could ever touch me?”
It whimpered. He didn't make the mistake of feeling sorry for her again. It was faked pitiful, what he could see now.
“Are you gonna fight me then? That's what you wanted wasn't it. Do you think you can kill me?” he taunted.
“YES” Morgan hissed. Firing itself into the air.
Darren just grinned.
She cast first.
Their hands whipped faster than the the normal eye could see. The air rippled with magic, coloured spells plastering the opposite walls behind each of the duelling pair with random pattern. Neither had advantage, and neither were tiring.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!This had to be a dream!What on earth was that?!?!?!? The night-hike party had been flown back to base. They had returned to their rooms...
Just in time before any eyes could sight too much, Darren waved his hand. His siblings fell asleep in one of the spare rooms.
It only took that one second for the thing pounce on him.
Morgan was going to kill him.
Blood was pouring out the neck, it sloshed over him.
Di grinned, she had happiness for the first time in her life; the fake part and the real part. It was short lived. Although, after months of flying, they'd found it to Qushire; when ready, they would return to their home, Icsond. To free the others and kill the master. Just as Finchly predicted.
Fizzing around the clear tanks, were the crimson globs of oxygen, which kept the three alive. The master lent over Morgan, one glistening tentacle resting on the shoulder of the thing's neatly presented three piece suit. Morgan pretended not to notice.
“I'm afraid they're completely unremarkable sir, Finchly must have made some mistake in the biology report.”
The master slid across the draining grate beneath, leaving a trail both on Morgan's clothes and the bloodstained metal.
“That's a pity” intoned the translator,indicating the masters opinion, even though the mechanic was devoid of all expression.
The master glided out of the heavy steel door, which was gradually yanking the arms out of his lanky servants sockets.
Morgan paused, biting through one of three lips.
Closed his eyes, and before he got another second thought, flushed them.
“We have to get back in” the boy barked.
“Why? For all we know they could have flushed us, this could just be what happens to all of the rejects.”
Though he waited patiently till she'd finished, just as the robots had taught him, the pressure had build up with the length of her sentence so he was almost screaming his answer.
“Have you seen any 'other rejects'? Have you? HAVE YOU? WE ARE ON OUR OWN!!”
The small boy had begun to cry. This kindly added some reality to the mix.
“Look, this is probably just a training exercise or something. It's just a simple illusion, they've put us through these before, to test our magic, remember?”
“Course I remember” the girl was clutching her younger brother close, stiffness showing in her face and voice.
“All we have to do is show some magic and we can get out.”
The girl dropped her frostyness a little to roll her eyes.
“C'mon Di all they'll drop something dangerous at us and we'll have to counter it. It's instinctive! Everyone else in training can do it.”
The only female narrowed her eyes, they all knew it was dangerous to use the names Finchly had given them,especially since...especially since his death.
Since he was murdered.
She was about to cast an undetectable screening spell and remind him (probably in the loudest voice she could muster), that they weren't like everyone else in training. None of them had ever cast detectable spells in lessons, Finchly had strictly forbidden it. (He taught them all they knew in secret,and they knew even more than the master.)
When she noticed he wasn't there any more.
After Darren had seen the training compound in the distance, no question was made that they needed to return. For one thing, there was no food in the knee depth (but pleasantly warm) pure white blanket. Of course they could of cast some, but they had no way of telling if they were being monitored and this was just a new level of training.
The blob of dirty orange copper was closer than ever, they could be there by nightfall. With a a six hour break every five days, the two older siblings, Di and Darren took it in turns to carry Billy. This caused Billy to be the only one not craving sleep, he got lashings of it, which unluckily made him hyper when he did wake up, but prone to sprinting in the wrong direction.
Darren dug a cave about five miles off the compound, all three battled nerves to get sleep for a night and a day. The teenagers taking it in turns to keep watch, Billy snoring through the whole lot.
Still the silence (except the occasional chirp from Billy) endured. The lack of communication, smothered all of them in a way many in the worlds feel, but none can accurately describe.
TRESSPASSERS ENTERING...
CODES INITIATED...
MAIN GATE OPENING...
PREVENTION AUTO-COMMANDS IN MOTION...
INITIATING SEQUENCES...
Some more random info (if you stick around,it will all have a use)
The parallel universes can exist within other universes (as physical objects for example). This is an Island from just off the South coast of Scotland.
On the black third is the Portal (In most universes named 'Mount Ishicc' or something similar.)All universes have one. I've also put the transcript from the helmet of Terii. He sounds like he ended up in Icsond (a universe)
The Space-hoover
The planet Monceiiit (in Qushire) , is surrounded by a meteor field. After the planet was brought to virtual destruction;from giant crashing rocks they decided to build something to solve the problem.
Ta daa!!
FISH!!!!
This is a page torn from a children's story book. (I had the heart to translate it for you :) )
Her claws extended to double length when she was angry, her brittle fuzz was always on end, matching the ears. She was bitten by a werewolf at the age of 4 (hamster years).
The three cod were splayed across the plate. Once there had been four, but then one ate another.
They lay there, limp and unfeeling.
They carried on lying there.
And carried on.
And carried on.
“This really is...”
That was when they exploded.
“KHHHHH heheheheheheehehehehe” The face was sculpted out of smoke, it dispersed as it's chucking evolved into full blown hilarity.
Bert patiently stood stock still.
“That wasn't very nice” He eventually interrupted after the smoke-thingy had been blasting his lungs out for 3 hours.
“SHUT UP!! You bloody fish stealer!!”
The both looked away.
“I've forgotten what I was doing now...”
“SIR! SIR! The terrible one!! HE'S BACK!!”
The smoke rushed into a man(ish type thing)-shape.
“But I flushed him to the depths of hell”
“NEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG”
In the second the smokeinoid and Bert the fish stealer distracted, the werehamster struck again.
The moral of the story is: Don't burn Anchovy Pizza.
The prophecies.
Though they are probably written during the 21st century, (known by the dodgy hieroglyphics that use a basic alphabet) I'm going to start with showing you them (If i can get the bloody scanner to work).
This is a crap copy. Even Onion wouldn't have been able to get her hands on the originals, also only three of them (out of 6) are here.
My name is not important. On my profile it says I am S.A Onion, obviously, I am not. I hope that one day someone will read this *** and like what they see. Be inspired enough to crack the codes, read the stories, diary extracts, that I have found and enjoy them, as I do. The chances of both are zero.
I'm not going to tell you how it began, how I got hold of the papers. I might at some point. I will tell you what they say, well what they mean. What they say will some later.
S.A Onion can travel in time.
That's not the impressive bit.
S.A. Onion can travel between universes.
If that doesn't sound impressive ,take a minute to absorb it...........................................
She also never ages, (as far as I can tell she sticks around the age of 25). For a while she was married to a Tom Clarkson (of Icsond), but outlived him. As far as I can tell, she was born with the universes and still lives today.
On this *** are her papers, written from all corners of the 13 universes (realms whatever you want to call them.).
It's not believable, if it was believable then what would be the fun in it?
I could tell you it is the truth. Actually, that's an idea
It is the truth.
There;do you believe me now?
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